Lover Enshrined by J.R. Ward

OK, who wrote this book and what have they done with J.R. Ward?

Oh. Wow. This was this biggest pile of...

Seriously? Where did Ward go?

I had to FORCE myself to finish this book. It was a painful, agonizing experience and the only reason I made myself do it was because I knew that I'd be lost on the last book if I didn't finish this one. It took me a week to get through the first 3/4 and I just skimmed the last quarter. That's a week of my life wasted. Could have spent it reading something worth a damn but nooooo I stuck it out because my new BFF Ward would never just royally screw me like that, would she?

I still maintain that it was written by a demon possessed 5 year old with the broken end of a jumbo, red crayon and NOT the awesomeness that has up until now been Ward.

This was suppose to be Phury and Cormia's story, which was introduced at the end of book five. Even then it hinted at being tedious and dull but I assured myself that she knew what she was doing.

I don't even know where to begin. There isn't one thing I liked about it other than the fact that it's over. WHAT THE HELL WAS UP WITH the dialogue? The old language used by the vampires is necessary, it fits and has always added a sense of ritual and culture to the story and I've enjoyed it. Now we have John and his boy band and they talk like thugs- which was cute on Vishous because he could carry it but on the teens it felt contrived, like she was pandering to a new group of readers she was hoping to suck in. And then we have Mr. D, the new fore-lesser, who is stereo-typical country complete with a twang. We also had a smidgen of Butch who is written with a Bostonian accent. Let me sum up:
1. Old vampire language
2. Modern day thug
3. Country twang
4. Boston
Throw in the fact that the Chosen speak as if they are reading from a scroll and you have a book that is an unintelligible mix of slop that isn't written in anything even remotely resembling readable English. PICK ONE AND GO WITH IT. Writing the way the person would speak is FINE but if you put them all on one page and then carry it out over hundreds of pages who can focus on the story when they are trying to figure out WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SAYING? What's with the slang!? Why are you MAKING UP WORDS?!

Pardon me....my head just exploded.

Did Cormia bore anyone else? Did you have enough "poor me" out of Phury to last a decade? HOW THE HECK IS A VAMPIRE A DRUG ADDICT!? He's going to Narcotics Anonymous meetings? Whoever wrote it (not you my BFF Ward, please not you) was sooooooooo busy telling four hundred other stories that she NEVER got around to actually writing ANY connection or romance between Phury and Cormia what so ever. Oh and I thought that the Omega could not create life and that was the only reason he envied his sister? Am I wrong there? And the WIZARD in his head? Seriously? Seriously.

Enough. I have to go and throw things now.

You know what demon-child author??